Help? What’s a Help?

by xcannedx

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Learning to ask for help is one of the hardest things I’ve ever learned (and still learning) to do. Kids seem to be asking for help all the time and here I am, a grown adult, refusing to ask. I can tell you that it hasn’t made my life any easier. It has resulted in me taking on absolutely everyone’s responsibilities on top of my own without saying a word to anyone. Except myself. Very unkind words to myself. Needless to say, I had been in a pretty negative headspace for a few months.

It needed a change.

Over the past month or so I’ve been extremely lucky and have had the opportunity to take a little time off from working. I haven’t stopped working but I’m logging in less work hours and dedicating those saved hours to not stressing out. For the record, as I write this out, I am realizing how ridiculous that sounds and I could have avoided the whole thing had I written it out first. I digress.

I decided, after about a year of trying to justify it to myself, that I was spending so much time outside of work worrying about work that I wasn’t allowing myself any time to… not stress. I decided that if I was working less, I wouldn’t have to worry about work outside of work as much thus giving me some sort of mental break.

Those who know me well know that getting me to ask for any sort of help is pretty much like herding cats. Ferrel cats. Deaf and blind ferrel cats. Deaf, blind and legless ferrel cats (Now I just feel sad…) This is also different than asking for the kind of help where you tell your husband you want pizza, but not any pizza. Pizza from Grimaldi’s, pizza. But since they don’t deliver you need to rent a Zip Car and drive there to pick it up and since I don’t have a license I need a chauffeur…

Anyway, after mustering up the courage to tell my husband, “I NEED A BREAK CAN WE FINANCIALLY DO THIS” and “WILL YOU HATE ME IF YOU CARRY US FOR A LITTLE WHILE?” we crunched numbers and decided that I could totally take this break.

It took another several weeks after that day for me to actually stop working as much. I immediately cut my schedule in half but I kept taking on extra work because I couldn’t say “no”. It turns out that on top of learning how to ask for help, I also needed to learn how to say no.

Apparently this break idea was starting to turn into something more than just a break. It has become more of a learning period. Learning to listen to my body and listen to my mind. Learning to not always think I’m over-exaggerating and learning to believe myself when I’m feeling run-down and worn out. Learning to say no and learning to not think twice about it.

At first I second guessed myself when I decided I wanted a break.

Now I’m learning that it was way overdue.

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