… And That’s Okay
Some mornings you may lay in bed, as the light starts to break through the blinds, and you will feel as though the world is too heavy for you on that day and you will feel unsure if you’ll be able to tackle it… and that’s okay.
Somedays the anxiety is so heavy that you find yourself hiding behind counters, corners, in the restroom or behind sunglasses because you can’t help but fight the tears away. You’ll smile and hope that no one notices your big, red, teary eyes… and that’s okay.
Sometimes your mind is so full of one fear and it’s all you can think about and talk about. Your friend just wants to tell you about your day and you are fully consumed in your own head… and that’s okay.
On occasion you’ll look in the mirror at yourself, study the face that is looking back at you and think that you aren’t strong enough, smart enough or beautiful… and that’s okay.
There may be times when you are going about your business, whether it be work or leisure, and a panic attack will overcome you. You won’t be able to fight it off and you will give in to what ever it wants; to go home, to take medication, to call your mom, to cry in public… and that’s okay.
Sometimes you might feel as though this is something you’re going to feel forever. You might have moments of despair. You may have moments where you convince yourself that you are destined to be a nervous ball of goo for the rest of your life… and that’s okay.
You might find yourself in the bathroom hiding from house guests, family or significant other. You might be wallowing in self-pity. You’re thinking, “Why me? Why do I have to be the one that feels this way? Why do I have to be consistently fighting myself in order to seem normal?”… and that’s okay.
You may be walking down the street, or sitting on a patio, or waiting in line at a cafe and you single out a stranger. You think to yourself, “They probably have a great life and don’t know what it is like to feel the way you do – and so often,” all the while knowing how irrational and unfair it is of you make such assumptions of a perfect stranger… and that’s okay.
You may be having a good day. The sun is shining, you’ve had a great meeting at work, your lunch was extra delicious and maybe the cafe gave you a free coffee on your morning commute. It may all come to a halt when you start to wonder what bad thing is going to happen to you. This thought causes you to forget about all the good things that happened to you that day and make you feel nauseous and sad… and that’s okay.
There could be a day where the only thing you can deal with is yourself, the way you feel, and your emotions. You may need someone else to help you with the dog, or do the dishes or even make dinner because you just can’t focus on it… and that’s okay.
Take comfort in this because all of these moments are genuinely fleeting. These scenarios are sad, depressing, anxious and panic inducing, and they happen! They happen to all of us. We all experience days where we just can’t keep up with the rest of the world. And the best part of it is that it will never be every day. Never. You are allowed to feel your feelings – but just remember to keep them in perspective and don’t lose track of the positives that do happen… however small they are. That cupcake you ate was delicious. The dog did his business immediately outside in the morning without you having to egg him on. That polite woman on the bus gave you her seat because you looked frazzled. You got up, showered AND made it to work!
Tiny victories make big differences.
…and thats okay.