Losing My Panic Virginity

by xcannedx

It was March 15th, 1990.  9pm to be exact.

That was the date and time that my life would change forever.  It’s the date and time that I experienced my first panic attack. I was 7 years old. And let’s be real, what does a 7 year old know about panic attacks?  How could I even comprehend what was happening to me at the time?

During my first panic attack I was “luckily” suffering from a stomach bug.  The perfect storm in my later years for panic attacks.  Clearly it’s all related.

I think I had just been watching Family Matters and drinking tea – trying to do anything to make myself not feel so nauseous. I remembered the last time I had thrown up my mother had me drink a sip of tea every 5 minutes to calm my stomach. Sadly it wasn’t working out this time.  I was rushing through the tea at lightning speed because I was desperate.  Eventually I was alone in my room with the lights off.  I was feeling so sick.  I remember rolling over and seeing the clock say 9pm.  . My mother was off helping my grandmother who was also sick that day.  And then it hit.  I became ill.

And it’s never been the same since.

I don’t remember the following days.  I’m not sure if I recognized the fear right away or if it manifested in the weeks to come.  I don’t remember the second panic attack I had.  Perhaps I’d have a better understanding of myself if I could have remembered how the second one came about.

What I do remember is that everything started to change for me.  Everything – School, friends, family and most of all myself.